The Secret Project: Revealed


Right, I’m sure you’re all dying to know what my Secret Project was over the last month or so. Well, alright, you’re probably not, but this is my blog and you have to indulge me a little bit, so I’m going to tell you a bit about it anyway. Without further ado, allow me to introduce…

Don We Now Our Gay Apparel

L-R: Joanne, Nicole, Helen and Diana. Character images created in the Sims 4.

Don We Now Our Gay Apparel (for which title I can’t take credit – my sister plucked it from the carol ‘Deck the Halls’ because I’m terrible at titles) came about because of a complaint from a dear friend. “I want to curl up and watch a Christmas movie about ladies who love ladies, but there’s nothing. Like, I want a Christmassy Imagine Me & You, or a queer Love Actually.” She made this offhand comment to my sister and went on her merry way, this being the third week of November. But once my NaNo novella was done, I got cracking.

I can’t make a film happen at the drop of a hat (though if anyone reading this can, I’m prepared to discuss rights!) so I went for the next best thing; a complete feature-length screenplay. I’m not sure if its recipient has entirely read it yet – though she has agreed I can blog about it – so I’m going to try to avoid spoilers, but here’s the basic idea.

Helen Anderson works in customer services for a large gym chain, which is holding a large pre-Christmas conference for all its staff. Also attending is Nicole Bridges, a personal trainer for the same gym chain, whose girlfriend Jo Starr happens to be providing the musical entertainment. Travelling with them is Diana Ruan, nominally Jo’s manager for this particular set of gigs – but managing Jo is more trouble than it seems. Especially when she starts volunteering for things on Diana’s behalf and trying to set her up with the nice woman who’s liasing with her about gigs…

I’m terrible at summaries (it’s something to work on, I know) but that’s your basic outline. I think it’s got a few laughs in there, along with tension and romance, and the speaking cast is almost entirely just those four women. I hope my friend enjoys it, and that it would make a good film if it ever got the chance. It’s also proof that I can write a feature film in a month, whatever its narrative failings.

Tomorrow, I’ll be rounding up my year in writing, looking back at my achievements on and off the page. I’ll see you then!


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